Have you ever received feedback that left you feeling confused rather than helped? Or perhaps you've waited months for insights, only to hear vague comments like "you're doing fine"?
You're not alone. Feedback conversations rank among the most stressful social situations we face. While feedback has a potential to build trust and respect, many people have had bad experiences with feedback (being on either side of the table).
The good news? There's a simple shift that can transform your feedback experience: asking for feedback rather than waiting to receive it.
In this guide, we'll share six practical tips for requesting feedback that leads to genuine growth and learning. These approaches work whether you're communicating in person or in writing, and they'll help you create the space for honest, constructive conversations with colleagues, managers, and others.
How to ask for feedback politely
Wether your employees are asking for feedback at work or not and how proactive they are with it depends on your company culture. It has been suggested by experts that the best way to create an active and healthy feedback culture is to encourage asking for feedback, rather than encourage giving feedback.
Positive feedback experiences encourage people to ask for and share feedback again, contributing to the creation of a great feedback culture.
While the gesture of asking for feedback is already important and valuable, there are three things to keep in mind when doing so.
- First, ask for feedback broadly
- Second, ask for feedback explicitly
- Third, do it often
Let’s dig deeper into what a great feedback request looks.
How to ask for feedback broadly
1. Ask for feedback yourself.
You should be the one starting converstations about you, not the feedback provider or your line manager.
Don't let your manager or anyone else be a bottleneck for your growth – take ownership of your feedback and ask for it yourself. There’s no relevant added value in someone else collecting feedback for you, compared to you collecting it yourself. If the feedback process is weird, heavy and constrained by managers, it’s not going to help you create a culture of feedback. Successful, direct and constructive conversations build trust and psychological safety, lowering the threshold to do it again.
If your team still relies on manager-gathered feedback, why not set an example by trying a more self-directed approach? You might inspire others to follow.
Try saying: "I'd like to get some feedback on my presentation skills. Could we set up 15 minutes to talk about what you observed during yesterday's client meeting?"
2. Ask multiple people for feedback.
Each individual has limited information and bias about you and your work. To get a broader perspective and to see through personal biases, ask for feedback from multiple people: your colleagues, team leaders, other managers, customers, consultants, partners, friends, and significant others, even the in-laws if you dare. Everyone has something unique to add and interesting data can be found in surprising places.
If you’re feeling too uncomfortable or are just starting to develop your feedback skills (which is totally ok!), ask someone you really trust. You’ve got to start somewhere!
Try saying: "I'd like to improve my collaboration skills, so I'm asking a few people I work closely with for their observations. Would you be willing to share your thoughts?"
3. Tell why it’s them.
When asking for feedback isn't yet a regular habit, your request might surprise people. That’s why it’s good to tell why you’re asking them for feedback. Referring to any shared work or experiences with the person will help them narrow down their focus.
This context helps them focus their thoughts and makes it easier for them to provide relevant feedback.
Try saying: "Since we worked together on the customer implementation project last month, I'd value your perspective on how I handled the technical challenges we faced."
How to ask for feedback explicitly
4. Narrow down the focus
It’s much more likely that you get thoughtful and accurate feedback when you communicate the intention for requesting feedback clearly. Narrowing down the focus from everything to something makes it easier to be explicit and helpful with feedback.
A generic request asking for feedback (e.g. “Do you have feedback for me?”) often gets a well-meaning but useless generic response (e.g. “I think you’re doing well”). Another common risk when not being explicit is to get irrelevant feedback (e.g. “Yesterday you left your coffee mug in the meeting room”), which leaves you wondering if that’s supposed to help you improve. You need to ask better!
You have your own feedback needs, so communicate them. Here is some inspiration:
- I want to improve in doing SEO
- I want to become a master of online presentations
- I want to become a better listener
- I want to get clarity on how I’m fitting in my role in the team
Teamspective's platform helps leaders gather holistic, actionable insights by organizing feedback into seven key topics that cover most aspects of personal development: Feel free to use them on your own or try our app! (tip: it’s free).
- Problem solving and personal work
- Communication (written, verbal, non-verbal)
- Initiative and decision making
- Collaboration and organizing work
- Leadership (of a project or a team)
- Presentations
- Open feedback
In our app, there is further topic-specific guidance for the person writing feedback, which allows even more detailed feedback to be given. And, of course, our users can add their own topics on top of the ready-made.
5. Ask for what you need: reinforcement, redirection and evaluation.
There are 3 types of feedback: reinforcement, redirection and evaluation.
- Reinforcement feedback helps you know when your actions and efforts are noticed and appreciated..
- Redirecting feedback guides you toward improvement and stimulates a growth mindset.
- Evaluation feedback lets you know if you're meeting certain criteria or standards.
Asking for feedback without specifying which kind can provide dissatisfying replies. For example, when you ask a colleague generically to check out your new presentation and receive an 18-item list of improvement suggestions, you most likely feel slightly discouraged – this is because what you thought you asked for was a boost of reinforcement and you got redirection. If you had asked “how would you improve this presentation”, you’d feel thankful for the same list. This is the importance of a feedback request – it prepares you both for the feedback.
For both reinforcing and redirecting feedback, try: "What am I doing that works well for you, and what could I work on to get even better?" This shows humility while focusing on actions rather than personality traits.
For evaluation feedback, try: "My goal is to be promoted in the next 6 months. Can you tell me if I'm on track and what I could do to improve?"
Sheila Heen, author of ‘Thanks for the Feedback’ (a fantastic book about receiving feedback), suggests that her best way to get redirecting feedback is to ask: “What’s one thing you see me doing - or failing to do - where I’m getting in my own way?”. Check her TEDx talk for more inspiration.
6. Say thank you
Giving feedback is challenging – it requires time and attention. It is one thing to craft a feedback request that is easy to respond to, but it is just as important to show appreciation for the feedback provider for their effort.
Say thank you and that you value the feedback already before receiving it. Ask if your feedback request could have been clearer or better. Finally, offer them an opportunity to ask you for feedback.
At the end of the day, it’s a feedback request, not a feedback demand. They have a right to say no to your feedback request. In some cases this could mean there is a fear of feedback. If so, reading this might be helpful: Strategies for creating psychological safety.
Make feedback a regular habit with Teamspective
Teamspective's Leadership Enablement Platform helps leaders gather and act on feedback systematically. Our platform combines all employee data with company handbooks and policies to provide a complete understanding without requiring extra work from leaders.
The platform prioritizes issues and opportunities, helping leaders focus on the most impactful topics. It then recommends tailored actions and discussion points, enabling every leader to make a difference.
By collecting data from engagement surveys, performance reviews, and collaboration analysis, Teamspective gives leaders a holistic view of organizational performance. The platform even runs within your communication tools like Slack and Teams, making it easy to integrate into your workflow.
Bringing it all together
Here’s an example of a feedback request where these principles have been applied. Erika, a visual designer, asks Mia, a sales manager, to provide her feedback. (You don’t need to make it this long, so feel free to leave out whatever doesn’t fit your needs.)
Erika writes:
Hey Mia!
We worked together on the customer implementation this month, and I’d like to hear some feedback from you. (ask yourself; why it’s them)
I want to improve in communicating my design choices, so please, let me know what worked well in the project, and what I could do differently to be more helpful to you, customers and others. (narrow down the focus; reinforcement and redirection)
Let me know if you’d like to go over the feedback in person. Otherwise, just drop me an email once you’re ready. Thanks, I really appreciate your help! (say thank you)